No Hope
by twilightlover4ever123
Summary: Edward and Bella were married. But what happens when the constant fighting finally gets to him? He runs off of course, but what happens when he realizes that he cant cope without her? Does he run back to Bella? Can she find it in her to forgive him?


**A/N ****ONE SHOT. Don't know what you have until its gone, is updated! WHOOOO.**

**I wrote this and I hope you enjoy it, its quite long. Its around the same plot of DWHG and it might give you some clues on the outcome of that story. The big mistake is my last priority and I apologize for that but I'm not really into that story. Please read The girl, the son, and the father. And enjoy. Meet you at the bottom v.**

NO HOPE

"I hate this! I hate this shit Bella! Its all we ever do. Its always the fucking constant fighting and I cant take it anymore!" He pants, pulling on his wild bronze hair, he looked back at me and shook his head.

"I'm sorry…" I murmur to him, he just shakes his head again. He doesn't want me to apologize again.

"Your always sorry but this isn't just you, its both of us together. We are always arguing, we cant have a proper conversation without having to yell at each other. I don't know if I can continue doing this.." He trails off, his voice cracking. His tone is soft and husky, its rasping against the back of his throat and he inhales to continue.

"We are killing each other Bella, everyday we hurt each other." He says, his voice is low and hard. He's pulling away, I hate it when he pulls away from me.

"That's part of marriage Edward, the fights, it has its up's and downs. But we love each other, and that's why we have to keep fighting." I tell him, pleading for him to understand.

"I don't think I have much left to fight with.." He cries, as he turns towards me. His eyes are red and I can see the bags under his eyes, he hasn't slept in days… I thinks its because of me. I just don't know anymore.

"How can you say that? So what you're giving up? Your not even going to try anymore?" I yell at him, I'm angry and I want to hit something. He's right there, so I hit him. My tiny fist hitting his chest, he wraps his arms around me and tries to calm me down, its not working. I break down crying and I don't even want to look at him.

"I don't want to give up but I have so little left in me. Bella I don't know…" He sobs, he tries to pull me closer but I push him away.

"No baby no… please don't." He pleads, his eyes wide with panic, as he realizes I don't want him touching him.

"I need to hold you. Please let me." He begs, he tries to grab my hand, I step back. His eyes turn from sad to anger in less than a second.

"Am I that repulsive to you? That you don't even want to touch me?" He snaps, his green eyes blazing with fury. How could he even think that?

"Its not that-" I start but he interrupts me, as he always does.

"We haven't had sex in four months. I'm pretty sure that you don't want to." He tells me, his eyes accusing.

"What? Edward we haven't had sex in four months because you always come home late and you are always tired." I retort, rolling my eyes. Of course he will blame me for that.

"Well forgive me for trying to support us!" He growls at me, he is shaking with anger now. I know he hates it when I mention how much he works.

"You're a fucking doctor. And you never take time off, I see you about twice a week for about four hours and that's when your sleeping. When your at home, I'm at my bookstore and when I get back you're already gone." I snap back at him, he is so ridiculous!

"And who paid so that you can open your own bookstore? Me! Bella it came from me and I make that money by working, when I get back I expect to see my wife waiting for me at home. I expect dinner on the table, something!" He yells at me. His muscles tensing, his jaw locks and I can tell hell's gonna break loose.

I don't care though, I'm fucking pissed. How dare him throw my bookstore in my face! I was going to pay for that with my life savings! I had offered to pay it all by myself and he refused, telling me that 428,000 was nothing for a bookstore in New York. I only had 148,000 raised but I was willing to wait a couple of more years to buy. He refused telling me that money was no problem, and I knew it wasn't. Our house has three rooms, four bathrooms, a movie room, a pool and a Jacuzzi. It was worth 5.6 million but Edward and his parents had no problem with that. Carlisle was the top surgeon in this United states, he was famous for that. Esme was the owner of a Home designing company and she made good money as well. And Edward had inherited his birth parents fortune. My book store was not even close to this.

"How dare you throw that in my face! You knew that I was willing to wait to buy my store! I didn't want to let you pay but you begged me to let you." I scream at him, I cant believe he has the nerve to do this to me.

"You would have never made enough!" He yells at me, and I stumble back. I can feel the tears brewing behind my eyes, and I have to look away from him. I know I probably wouldn't have been able to afford it. It took me twenty years to raise what I had now. But I did not want to hear my husband tell me that.

"You always throw everything back in my face. And I cant take that any longer Edward." I warn him, forcing the tears back and bringing my anger out.

"I cant take many things Bella, but I put up with it. I put up with-" He cuts off. I freeze, my heart rate doubles and I just stare at him.

"You put up with what? You put up with me? I'm sorry you feel that way then." I tell him, he just looks at me. His face void of any emotion.

"I just need sometime away from all of this." He explains, I think its reasonable. We can go away together somewhere, without work or any stress. We can probably work things out.

"Okay that's fine. I think I can get away for a couple of weeks. We can go on vacation somewhere-" He cuts me off.

"Bella… I didn't mean with you. I need sometime alone." He states, I cant believe he is asking me for that. He wants to be away from me.

"Just two weeks its all I need, then I'll come back and we'll work this out." He pleads, he probably does need sometime alone. I should give him space, we can work through this later. It hurts me to do this but I nod.

"Okay- I'll give you your space." I promise him, his eyes soften and he reaches for me again.

I flinch away again, and I hear him exhale shakily. His eyes are soft again, he looks so vulnerable.

"Please let me at least hug you goodbye." He begs, reluctantly I step forward and he takes me in his arms.

"I'll leave tomorrow and I'll be back before you know it." He whispers in my ear. I close my eyes and nod. "Its for the best." He reminds me.

Is it really? Or will this destroy us?

I have no idea.

-0- -0- -0-

The next day he's already gone.

Where? I have no idea.

He told me he'll call me and he does. it's a short conversation, just letting me know he got home safely. He went home, all the way back to Forks.

He tells me he wont be calling because this is part of our time apart. I don't want to but I agree that its fine with me.

He never calls again.

-0-

Two weeks pass by and I have heard nothing from him, but I sit and wait for the sound of car tires pulling into the drive way, informing me that he is home. I never hear them. I decide that he might be coming tomorrow. He doesn't either. So I call, his phone is turned off. I call his parents, they tell me he left for California five days ago. What he's doing there? I don't know.

-0-

Weeks turn into months and I realize that he doesn't want to come back. I break down crying, and screaming. He left me… he left me alone with the hope that he might come back. Four months after his departure, I get the divorce papers. That's when I fall apart.

He didn't even give me a chance… he gave up on us. A two year marriage wasted. I don't want to but I want to grant him his wish, he wants to be set free. So I sign the papers, my hand trembling along with every letter. My heart breaking because the man I love is leaving me. He has a reason to though. We are always fighting, apart we are wonderful people but together we're poison.

I finish filling out the papers and then I fold them and put them in the envelope. I grab a sheet of paper and write two words.

_Be Happy._

_-Isabella Swan_

I place the note in the envelope and place it in the mailbox. This is goodbye. I look back at our house and I wonder what will become of it. I can no longer live here. To many memories.

-0-

2 weeks later, I've found a new place. A small two bedroom cottage. Its perfect for me. Edward would have hated it.

-0-

It would have been our five year anniversary. Today would have been our five year anniversary. I'm sitting on the couch watching movies with my best friend Jake. He's telling jokes, and eating everything he can get his hands on. I hit him on the head, he looks up and grins.

My cell phone rings and I run upstairs to go get it.

"Hello?" I pant, trying to catch my breath.

No one answers but I hear a soft whimper.

"Who is this?" I question. No answer. Probably someone playing another prank.

"Bella baby! Bellakins, Bells oooo Bella my love!" Jacob teases, as he walks towards me.

"Jacob I'm on the phone" I scold him. Trying not to laugh.

"Oh please you know you love me!" He states, wiggling his eyebrows.

"Yes I love you. Go now." I demand, he winks at me and turns away. Swaying his hips from side to side.

"Now!" I yell, as I get up and pinch his butt. He screams and runs out of the room.

"Love you !" He yells, I giggle.

"Love you too!" I yell back, then I turn my attention back to my phone. I hear the sharp intake of a breath and then the line goes dead. I stare at it, these people have got to stop making these damn prank calls. I throw my phone on my bed and rush out, to get back to Jake.

-0-

"Stop it!" I yell, he smiles.

"Jake stop hitting me!" I warn him, he grabs my arm and pulls me toward him.

I scream, he laughs.

"Stop being such a girl Bells." He snickers, as he wraps his arms around my waist.

"That's because I am a girl." I retort, pushing against his chest. His hold tightens on me, and he picks me off the ground, I gasp. I know he's strong but to pick up 105 pounds with one arm?

He brings his face closer to mine and he leans in and gives me a chaste kiss on the lips, its simple and I feel nothing. Its not strange, he kisses me like that all the time. it's the way that he show affection towards me. We've been best friends for four years and its never been awkward, always a short kiss, with no tongue, on the lips. We dated for two months when we found out it wouldn't work. We decided to stay friends, even though we had already slept together. It was awkward at first but after we talked it out and decided to just be friends, it was a lot easier. It was still pretty strange though, knowing that my best friend had seen me naked. And that I had seen him naked.

"Bella? You okay?' He whispered, I nod and smile at him.

"I'm fine." I assure him, he winks at me and puts me down. I hit him on the arm, turn and run the opposite way.

"Bella!" I hear him yell, I laugh and keep running.

"Wait till I catch you!" He threatens, I run faster and I can hear his footsteps behind me. He's gaining on me.

I can hear his breath coming faster, and he's even closer. I push forward and I trip, he stumbles and then trips over me, falling on top of me.

He stares down at me, and takes my face in between his hands.

"Gotcha." He breathes, and he bends down and hides his face in my neck. I giggle, as he inhales. I know this is inappropriate but I miss the contact. Its been more than a year, since I've had sex. The last guy was a boy I had met at my bookstore, he was charming, good looking, well built and I decided to give him a chance.

It felt good but not good enough to have a repeat of. He kissed my neck and a small moan escaped from my lips. He stills, and I feel him harden against my thigh, I gasp. I know its been a while for him too. He kisses me again and begins nibbling on my neck. My hands wrap around his waist, pulling him closer to my body. His hands grip my waist and he lifts me up, and I wrap a leg around his waist. He looks into my eyes, and all I see is lust in his. He leans down and captures my lips in a hard, demanding kiss. I close my eyes and give into him, letting myself actually feel. He bites on my lower lip and I open my mouth to him, groaning when his tongue meets mine. And it's a fight for dominance. I thrust my hips up, and moan when I feel him hard against my core. His hips move with mine and I can feel him grow even harder. I kiss on his neck, bite and lick and his hands tighten on my waist. I bite down hard and his hands move down to my shirt. He looks at me, asking for permission, I bite my lip and nod. He removes my shirt and throws it over his shoulder.

"Its been so long." He whispers to me, and I nod.

"I know.' I reply, and his eyes meet mine. All I see is love, expressed so clearly in his eyes.

"It was the best day of my life." He murmurs, as he caresses my cheek and I freeze.

"What?" I ask, my voice husky.

"That night Bella, it was the best day in my entire life." He admits, looking away.

I push against his chest, and he gets off me. I put my shirt on and go back into the living room. I hear him following me and I sit down on the couch.

"We cant go down that road Jake, you are my best friend and I am not losing you." I warn him.

"I know but I still couldn't help feeling that way Bella. I cant help it." He pleads, his brown eyes pleading with me to understand.

But I cant.

"You told me you had no feelings for me! You told me we would not work!" I yell at him, I'm angry that he lied to me. I'm furious that he's been lying all along.

"I told you that because I knew you would never be able to love me!" He exclaims, throwing his arms up in frustration.

"Because your still in love with your ex husband!" He mutters, I stare at him.

We never talk about Edward, he's my past and I don't like thinking about him.

It still hurts, knowing what he did to me. Knowing how he betrayed me and I know I shouldn't feel this way anymore, but I cant help it.

"I an not in love Edward." I snarl, he shakes his head and laugh, a dark menacing laugh.

"But you are. That's why you haven't been able to have a relationship with anyone. He's moved on Bella when are you going to?" He whispers, his face holding nothing but sadness for me.

I turn away and walk up to my room, wanting to escape him. I cant escape him, we live together.

-0-

Things have gotten better between Jake and I, he met a girl and they dated for two months and then he ended it. He no longer felt for me though, that was more than 8 months ago. I'm glad that he no longer feels for me because I could have never returned those feelings.

He's single and I'm still single and we are still living together in the cottage I had bought when Edward left.

It didn't hurt anymore, thinking about him. I never heard from him, he never even bothered to explain why he left. He just sent the divorce papers and that was the last time I heard from Edward Cullen, or from anyone in his family. They abandoned me and I would never be able to get over that.

I walked by our old house today, I stopped and stared at it. Exactly five years and eight months ago, I was living in that house. Alone and hoping that he would come back to me.

I remember how devastated I was, and I laugh at myself for actually thinking that he would have really stayed with me forever. I notice that its still not for sale. Why hasn't he sold it? I thought he would be happy to get rid of it.

I still feel anger for what he did to me.

I forgive him though, I forgive him for what he did. I forgive him but I know I can never forget.

-0-

I'm running, trying to escape this… this feeling threatening to escape from my chest. it's the first time I've felt like this since he left. Four years and I am finally able to say that I'm falling in love again.

His name is Riley, the lawyer that has an office across my bookstore. We've been dating for 3 months and I can feel something for him, but I'm scared of falling. I'm terrified of falling in love. I never thought this would ever happen again but its happening and I don't want to let it happen.

I wonder where Edward is, is he happy? Has he found love with someone else? I have no idea why he's still there on the back of my mind. But I cant help it, I still care for him.

I shouldn't.

-0-

We didn't work out. Of course we didn't. He left me for someone else, and it hurt. It really did but only for a couple of weeks. I guess I really didn't love him. I thought that he would be the next man I would ever love but I was wrong. He wasn't and I hate myself for that… I hate myself because I don't think I am capable of love anymore. Or maybe I haven't found the man who's meant for me. I cross my fingers and pray to god that I find happiness one day. I hope that I can be content and have a family one day, remarry and be happy with a man that loves me and I hope I can love him fully, unconditionally. I hope that I can give him all my heart and not hold back one thing at all. I close my eyes and a small smile creeps up on my face as I think of the possibility of being happy with someone again.

"Bella!" Jake yells from inside, and then I hear a loud boom come from the front of the house.

The fucker broke something again.

"What did you break?" I yell as I walk out of my room, and go to check on him. Laying next to him is a box.

"I found your box. I wanted to ask if you wanted to keep it. We are cleaning out the garage remember?" He questions, his wide brown eyes serious.

The box is labeled _Edwards Belongings_, I just stare at it. I forgot that the box was in there 4 years without seeing him. Its been four years and he never even bothered to come back for his belongings. I want to yell at Jake and tell him to throw it all out, that I never want to see his things again. But I cant bear the thought of doing that to his things, maybe he will come back one day and ask for them. Maybe he'll want to keep something from there. I shake my head, and go to grab the box.

"Ill take care of it." I whisper, my voice horse and strained. Jake's eyebrow furrows and I can see he is getting upset.

"Bells look-" He begins, I cut him off.

"I said I will take care of it." I warn him, I see him close his mouth and he nods at me. His eyes sad and filled with hatred for him. Full of hatred for the man that broke me, for the man that still haunted me till this day.

I want to hate him too.

I want to be able to tell him that I don't miss him and to tell him that I don't even need him near me. I want to be strong enough to tell him that he was right leaving me and that I am so much happier now. That everything has worked out for the best.

I cant tell him that, because if I did I would be lying.

-0-

**EDWARD POV**

"Just two weeks its all I need, then I'll come back and we'll work this out." I promised her. I am such a fucking liar.

I boarded that plane with every intention of coming back, I was going to be away for 2 weeks then I would be back home to my wife and try to talk through these problems we were having. I couldn't though, when I was away I noticed how much easier it was to be happy. I noticed how much more I enjoyed my time, and I noticed that I didn't even miss her. Was it possible that my heart just wasn't in the relationship any longer? Could I not love her anymore?

I went out with my friends, I laughed and I had fun, I was a changed man. They even said it, when I was around Bella I couldn't find it in me to have fun. It was almost as if… I couldn't be happy when I was with her. I remember how jealous she was, I could not even glance at another women without her going nuts. But then I remember what I would be like when I saw her with some other man. It made me wild with fury, I don't even recognize that man.

I try to imagine her with someone else and I cant without falling into pieces. My breath speeds up and my stomach clenches with the thought of her in some other mans embrace. My heart pounds and the world spins, I cant think clearly and I want to fucking murder the man that gets to call her his love, his life and I know that the day she gives him her heart is the day I will stop living. I couldn't bear the thought of her loving someone else and forgetting me. I didn't think of this though, of any of it when I was asking for a divorce. I sent the papers and that's it.

I was sick and tired of the constant fighting, the constant hurting and all I could think was that I had to get out before I lost my mind. I left to California and met with my lawyer, he told me I could just send the papers and if she signed them then there was no reason that we would have to talk at all. I liked that idea, I was to much of a coward to face her.

So I sent them and three days later I received them. At the bottom of the paper was her name signed then printed. And attached to the papers was a little note.

_Be happy._

_- Isabella Swan_

And my heart started racing, her name. She was no longer Masen, I no longer had a hold on her. She was free, she was single and beautiful. And she was no longer married, she could have whomever she wanted. The thought alone had me running to the bathroom and emptying the contents in my stomach. She could have whoever she desired.

She could do whatever she pleases to do and she can be with whoever she wants to be.

She should be able to do whatever she wants to but I wonder where she is and what she is doing.

Has she found someone else? Does she love him? Does he make her feel like I used to?

Does he treasure her? Does he stand by her no matter what she does? Does he remind her how beautiful and wonderful she truly is?

Questions, they flow through my mind and I cant answer them. I wish I knew, but just because I wish doesn't mean it will be granted.

I never even went back to get my things, I left everything over there. I had no reminder of her, I had no picture of us. I had nothing to remind me what she used to look like. Its slowly fading away and I'm terrified that once I grow older I wont remember her. I wont remember her gorgeous smile, her large expressive eyes, her long brown hair. I don't remember what she used to laugh like, I don't remember her hand in mine and I don't remember what her lips felt like against mine. I try, but after three years its nearly impossible to remember.

Why remember though? Its better to forget, I left her because I couldn't stand to continue my life with her by my side. She wasn't meant for me. My mind agrees, but my body denies it with every fiber of its being. It screams at me, telling me that she is for me, that's why we felt that electric current between us, that's why I fell in love with her as soon as I laid my eyes on her.

But my mind, reels away from the thought, all we ever did was hurt each other. A two year marriage and it was already doomed. I worked the whole day, dreading the time that I would have to get home to her.

I didn't want to see her, I would take up any opportunity to be away from her. That's not what it was suppose to be like, a husband was yearn for his beloved, he was supposed to think of her all the time and love her. I couldn't be that type of husband.

My love for her was fading away with all the problems we were having.

I no longer knew what to do I was desperate to leave, I had to go before I lost my mind.

So I did.

-_Flash Back-_

"_Edward man! Its 2.00 in the morning don't you think your wife is going to get upset?" Yells Tyler, one of the doctors from the hospital._

_We went out with three others to have some drinks at the bar across the street, pretty convenient since the hospital was right there._

"_No, she probably wont even notice I'm gone." I laugh bitterly._

"_Eddie. I'm bored." Says the squeaky, annoying voice next to me. I glance over at her and shrug._

"_What am I suppose to do Tanya. That's your fault, if you want to go then leave. I'm not going to stop you and I am most definitely not chasing after you." I retorted. Tanya was a nurse at the hospital she was a beautiful woman, with long blonde hair and clear blue eyes and with the perfect body that every man could ever want. I wasn't interested though, she clearly was. _

"_Eddie. Don't be like that." She whines and she takes a hold of my arm. I pull my arm away, and glare at her._

"_Don't touch me. And don't call me that shit its annoying." I snap at her, her eyes widen and she sits back._

"_Your so rude to me." She huffs, I can tell she's trying to be cute but it isn't working. Its annoying. _

"_Well then let me remove myself from your presence. I'm going home. See you guys tomorrow." I stand up and grab my jacket, ignoring Tanya's pathetic pleas, begging me to stay for a while longer. _

_I walk out and glance back to see Tanya pouting, with her arms crossed. I laugh to myself at her desperateness. _

_When I arrived home, Bella was sitting on the sofa reading. When she heard the door shut close, she put her book down. _

"_Where the hell have you been?" She hisses, her eyes blazing with anger. _

_I get angry, she never has been attentive before and now she cares._

"_I was out with friends." I state simply, and turn around, walking away from her. I hear her footsteps behind me, then I feel her grab my arm._

"_At 2:30 in the morning, it's a Monday Edward." She snaps, her voice holding nothing but fury._

_She pulls closer and then she tenses. _

"_You smell like Tanya's perfume." She growls, and her eyes are wide and accusing._

_I freeze, what? Fuck she's going to assume I was with Tanya._

"_I cant believe you. You were out with that bitch, I was waiting for you, the entire time and you were fucking out with that bitch?" She snarls at me, I decide its better to keep my mouth shut._

"_You know what you can fucking sleep on the couch tonight and don't even think of trying to sneak into the bedroom." She yells as she runs up to the bedroom and slams the door behind her. _

_I sigh and head into the living room, I collapse on the couch and fall asleep in minutes. _

_-Flashback Ends-_

I had to get out of there, she was driving me nuts. So I did, I left and stayed away.

-0-

It would have been our fifth year anniversary today, and I miss her. I miss her terribly, I want to hear her voice, I want to touch her and feel her again. I need to see her again.

My mind is scanning for any possible way to get in touch with her again, then I remind myself what I promised all those years ago. I promised that I would leave her alone, forget her and move on. I feel so stupid for promising myself that, I should have known I wouldn't have been able to leave her alone.

I called her and when she picked up I was immediately at peace, my heart beating wildly in my chest at the sound of her voice. I was about to respond when I heard a male voice call for her in the background. She was teasing him and he teased back, I could hear it all and then she told him she loves him, I froze my breaths coming in pants. The pain of hearing her say that, it was telling me she had moved on and was happy with another man.

It upset me, the fact that she had been able to move on and I hadn't found anyone like that yet. I hadn't found anyone that I wanted to spend my life with again. I'm angry, livid, I can feel the anger taking control of me, I want to be happy. Why cant I fucking be happy?

I pick up a lamp and throw it against the wall, it shatters to pieces and I just stare at it. I don't move away from it, but I don't move towards it. I just stand and stare, like a broken man with no purpose on earth. I try not to think back, I try not to remember my time with her but its nearly impossible, I've heard her voice and now the memories come flowing back.

-Flashback-

"_I love you, come home soon. I'm missing you. Edward please come home to me, we can work things out. I'll be better I promise." Her voice, pleading and I hear the sobs escaping her lips._

_I grab my chest and my other hand moves to my hair, pulling it. It hurts but I don't care._

"_Baby, I miss you. Where are you?" She cries, I delete the voicemail._

_She misses me now, but when she has me she ignores me. When I'm with her, we fight. When we're apart, I feel like I'm dying. I cant breath, what is she doing? What if I'm gone too long and she meets someone else?_

_My whole frame shakes with anger, at the thought of my Bella in someone else's arms. She wouldn't seek comfort in someone else, would she? Would I go back and have to listen to her tell me that she didn't want me anymore?_

_I shook my head at the thought, I convinced myself that this was easier, being away from her. I was happier, I looked at the day and didn't dread it because I would have to go to work and come back to a moody wife. _

_I went out with friends, I had fun. I smiled, I laughed, I was carefree here and all that would change as soon as I stepped back into New York. _

_I can pretend though, I can pretend I don't have any problems for right now. I can be happy now. Ignore my problems and deal with them later. _

_Just have fun now. Just have fun._

-END OF FLASHBACK-

I chose the easy route out and decided that I didn't have the strength to work it out, that I should just let her go. I told myself that we weren't meant for each other, she isn't happy in our relationship and neither am I. I told myself those words over and over again. I didn't try and now I'm paying for it.

I miss her, but then again I always miss her.

-0-

Time passes, even if we feel like we aren't living, it passes.

Time blurs in my eyes, I lost track of it and even though I told myself that I was fine with the way I was living. I know I'm lying to myself.

I miss her more every day and sometimes I feel like I should just give up. Give up hope, give up on life.

I began seeing a shrink 4 months ago, he was no help whatsoever. I paid 110 dollars an hour and I got nothing out of it. He told me to talk about her, whenever I try I break down.

Its too vivid, the memories they all come back and I feel like I'm reliving the moment. I see everything so clearly and while I'm thinking about it I'm happy, but when I open my eyes it snaps back into reality and the memories are crippling.

He tried to get me to open up, I did try at first but after a while of it not going anywhere I gave up. Dr. Banner tried to get me to stay with him, to continue our weekly therapy lessons but I refused.

I don't see him anymore, I'm back to the beginning. Missing her, missing Bella, I don't think I'll ever not miss her.

I wonder if she thinks about me, if she misses me but after what I did to her I wouldn't be surprised if she never wanted to see me again. I shouldn't have done that to her, I cant imagine what it must have felt like. She must have felt like she wasn't worth an explanation, and she is.

I ask myself how I would feel if the situation was reversed and I know I wouldn't ever forgive her. I wouldn't be able to look her in the face and wonder why I wasn't even worth a simple explanation. Divorce papers through the mail, with nothing explaining why I requested such a thing from her.

I feel like she gave up on me though, she signed the papers. She let me go so easily, I would have fought for her.

Sometimes I wish she hadn't signed.

-0-

-2 years later-

Eight years since I've seen her. Eight years of wondering, of waiting and hoping that she appear back in my life. Nothing, I haven't heard a thing about her, a thing at all about how she's doing, if she's moved on.

Could she really be okay? Could she be happy?

Does she ask about me? Think about me?

Is she with someone else?

Does she love him like she loved me?

Does he take care of her?

Does he tell her that she's the most beautiful women in the world?

Does he love her like I did?

All these questions, they remained unanswered. Two years later, they were answered.

-0-

Denver, Colorado. Skiing entertained me for about 3 days and then I didn't want to have anything to do with skiing. I was bored as fuck and I had absolutely nothing to do anymore, I sat in my room scanning through the channels wondering what to do next. Jasper and Emmet were out snow boarding, another thing I wasn't quite fond of.

I decided to go to the coffee shop across my cabin, to get something warm to drink. I requested a table by the window, and asked for a small cop of coffee and a chocolate muffin. I heard the bell dingle and looked up.

Never in a million years did I think that Isabella Swan would be standing in that exact coffee shop. My eyes widened, at the sight of her. Time had been good to her, she was taller, hips were fuller, her hair was longer, and even though this is inappropriate her breasts were bigger. I was pretty sure I was drooling over her, then she turned and looked at me. Her eyes were full of disbelief but then anger took the place of it. I stood up, not knowing what to do next. She shook her head and turned around, walking out the door.

From there I vowed to not let her get away again, I would pursue her and do everything I could to gain her trust back.

I did just that, I located her and send her roses, chocolates, gifts, notes, letters, everything I could think of. Nothing seemed to work, they softened her up but didn't win her over. So I decided that the only way to get somewhere, was to talk to her in person. I took her a week to stop ignoring me and say yes.

When we talked, I cleared it all up. I told her what my life had been like for the past 10 years, told her how what I did was the biggest mistake of my life. I told her how I coped without her, and to my surprise she broke down. She started crying, and I was there to comfort her. I held her and swore that I would be there for whatever she needed.

She opened up too, she told me how much she missed me, and how she dealt with the whole divorce. I was surprised that she opened up so much but she told me that she wanted to get all these feelings out of the way.

The rest of my vacation, was spent with Bella. We started going out, I took her skiing with me. That proved to be extremely difficult for her, but we got through it. I took her out to dinner and I finally felt at peace. I finally felt happy and I didn't feel like something was missing from my life anymore. I didn't feel like there was nothing to look forward to anymore, now I had Bella again.

I had Bella, and I would never let her down again.

When I left Colorado, we kept in touch. I would text her, small things but things that would make her smile. We would call each other at night, I would talk to her before I went to sleep every day. I felt like we were getting somewhere, I was still in love with her and I knew she loved me too but I had to gain her trust back, I had to be patient.

I knew that the progression of our friendship would all be due to patience. I just didn't know how long I would have to wait.

-0-

**-1 year and 2 months later-**

My grandmother fell ill, and I decided it was time to move back to Forks. Even though it was wrong, I was kind of happy that she fell ill because it gave me an excuse to move back and be closer to Bella.

She was ecstatic when she found out, but I could still sense some reluctance and some fear about having me around all the time. She had put her walls up, she didn't want to get hurt so she was putting walls up. I would do whatever I could to break them down

My grandmother died at age 86, Bella was there with me, holding my hand throughout the entire funeral. She was there for me when I needed her, something I should have done before. Instead I ran away from my problems, but then again Bella was always the strong one in our relationship.

The death of my grandmother is what really bought us closer together, she was there to support me and help me get through it. She was my shoulder to lean on and I took everything I could from her. I loved her and I knew that it would be a while until she trusted me like she did before.

It took me 5 weeks to gather the courage to ask her out again, and much to my surprise she said yes. She told me that she still loved me so what was the point of trying to prolong something that was bound to happen anyways?

I was so relieved that she wanted me, that she really was giving me another chance.

I wouldn't mess this up, I wouldn't ruin this again.

I couldn't lose her again, I wouldn't survive it.

-0-

- 8 months later-

Bella and I had been dating for 8 months now, and I decided that it was time to try again. I was going to ask her to marry me and I prayed to god that she'd say yes.

My prayer went unanswered, she rejected me, saying that it was to soon and that she wasn't sure she was ready yet. I was frustrated, and hurt because I knew that I was ready for this step again.

I tried again a week later, again I was rejected.

I tried again the week after, again rejection.

The week after that one, rejection.

I was used to the rejections now and they didn't really hurt anymore, yet I kept insisting that she marry me.

The fourth time I asked, I was expecting another no but I got a yes. I got up, took her in my arms and peppered kisses all over her face.

_-Flash Back-_

"_Thank you love." I whispered, as I gripped her hand in mine and slid the ring on her finger._

"_Haha, your welcome. After all this time I decided that it's gonna happen anyways so why keep you waiting?" She murmured as she wrapped her small arms around my waist, she leaned in and buried her face in my chest. _

_I sighed and kissed her head._

"_You wont regret this love. I swear, its been eleven years I'm a different man now." I promised her, I felt her stiffen but then she relaxed._

"_I know. That's why I gave you a second chance." She whispers, as she caressed my face with her hand. I leaned in to her palm and looked up at her._

"_Love you." I told her, she smiled._

"_Love you too." She responded, and leaned in for a kiss._

_I kissed her softly, and pulled back._

"_Can we go celebrate now?" I asked, my voice soft and pleading._

"_Oh but of course." She giggled, I took her hand and lead her into the bedroom._

_So much for celebrating._

_-End Of Flashback-_

-0-

Our families were ecstatic when we told them we were engaged, they couldn't believe that we were getting married again. But they supported what we wanted. We got married in July, it was a small wedding and then we were off on our honeymoon.

I took her to Paris, she told me she always wanted to go but she never got the chance. So I took her. We spent 3 weeks there and that's were our son was conceived.

Masen Adam Cullen. He wasn't planned but he was a gift. When he was born, my whole world shifted. It changed from revolving only around Bella to revolving around Masen and Bella.

The little bronze haired, green eyed baby was everything to me. I couldn't even imagine going back to life without him. Parenting was harder then I imagined but it was worth it.

Masen was worth it.

-0-

What is love?

Is it caring for someone?

Is it being possessive of someone?

Is it being caring so much for someone that you would do whatever you can for them?

Love is caring so much for someone, that you would do everything in your power to ensure that they are safe and happy. Love is standing by that person no matter what they want or what they do. Love is forgiving them when they've done something wrong.

Love is the strongest force on the face of the Earth and its impossible to get rid off.

Despite all the fights and problems that Bella and I had. Love bought us back together.

Our love bought us Masen, my family.

My family might be just 3 people but its they're still everything I could have wished for.

Sometimes I look back and ask myself, what did I do to deserve them? I don't deserve them, not after all I did but I still got them. Why?

I just want to know why god gave me another chance. I want to know why he gave me this happiness, this undeserved happiness.

I just thank him for giving me Bella and Masen. I thank him and pray every day now.

I hear Masen crying and I run to pick him up. I take him in my arms, and cradle him against my chest. I rock him in my arms, and kiss his forehead.

He looks up at me, with his bright green eyes and gives me a small smile. A crooked smile, just like mine. I laugh at the thought of him having the same exact smile as me.

I ruffle his bit of hair and shake my head. He's gonna be quite the heartbreaker. He giggles and I laugh with him.

"What' so funny bud?" I question, his head cocks to the side, he doesn't understand. He's one year and 4 months old now and he's all trouble.

"I'm home!" Bella yells from downstairs, I rush downstairs, clutching Masen to my chest.

I lean in and peck her on the lips.

"Welcome home love. We missed you." I tell her, she smiles at me and opens her arms for Masen.

I hand him to her and he immediately starts laughing, clearly happy to be back in his mothers arms.

"Hello my sweet. Where you good for daddy?" Bella whispers to him, rocking her in his arms.

"He was a very good boy." I assure her, as I wrap my arms around her waist, holding her against my chest.

Her back is against my chest and she's cradling Masen in her arms. I press a kiss on Bella's head and she reaches up and pecks me on the lips.

"I love you." She murmurs. I sigh in contentment.

"I love you too." I whisper as I look down at Masen.

"And our baby boy. I love you both so much." I tell her. She hums in approval.

And I do.

I have everything I ever wanted and couldn't ask for anything else.

I couldn't imagine wanting anything else.

THE END

**A/N I AM SO SORRY I RUSHED IT TOWARDS THE END. I got Impatient, I had written 4 pages and they got deleted so I got impatient and rushed through the story.**

**PLEASE REVIEW.**

**Give me your thoughts, I would like to read your mind. But I'm not Edward so I only get what you give me.**

**Lots of love-**

**C**


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